Dear John

This was inspired by Nicholas Sparks’ Dear John.

Dear John,

I am nobody of importance and I just want to get my message across to you. I know Savannah didn’t mean to fall in love with someone else, but distance is a really huge obstacle to conquer. I know what the two of you shared was as real as any true love can be. And you can blame her all you want for what happened- she admitted it, too. She knew how important she was to you. She knew she should have fought harder as you did, as you both promised, but she didn’t. And I know you might want to salvage even the smallest bit from the past. But if I were you, I would no longer go back to those memories, those promises. They happened and they were real, but that’s just it- Were. Everything you had was done for the moment she chose him. Every words meant, every treasure kept, every future planned vanished into non-existence. There’s no point smiling about the past when it would distort your face to a grimace in less than a second, knowing it’s never going to happen again. You can no longer hold onto them because betrayals don’t deserve a place in people’s hearts. Forgive and literally forget. Shove those false happiness into the darkest part of your mind until they’re barely there. Yes, keep in mind the lessons you learned but dare not hope for a bright future. You will walk constantly in fear, just like in the war. Looking around you anxiously, questioning your every step, fearful that a bomb just might blow you to pieces once again. Just when hope sparks inside of you, you’ll remember how right you felt with her. How sure you were that you were meant for each other. And then you’ll remember feeling there was something wrong, but still you blindedly trusted her because you loved her. And you refused to accept that the love you had was as fickle as any other.

Sometimes, you’d think you’re okay, but then years later you’d find out what Savannah did behind your back. You would blame yourself, your curiosity and your stupid courage, because you think nothing about the past could ever hurt you again. But they do. They always do. And no amount of solitude could ever cure that. It’s nothing you can do by yourself, but I believe in you. You have strength not many people have. A door that could withstand a thousand logs’ hits. Take everything in stride, John, and wait for the right moment. That moment when, hopefully, you would finally be free, and feel that naive excitement of falling in love again without being scared of the consequences. You are a soldier, trained physically to endure long moments of exhaustion. But you’re only human, so cry. Unleash all the anger and resentment until you feel it’s enough. You may never feel that, but it’s okay. Because in this world, you don’t have any other choice but to say “It’s okay”.

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May 2012
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