I have never asked for grandiose gestures, nor expensive and luxurious gifts. The tiny things that give me simple, but pure joy need no audience, whether big or small. It only needs to be seen and felt by me, it only needs to be true. Is it?

To be reminded that I am remembered even in the most minute detail is worth more than a bag of diamond rings and delicate strings of pearls. I would honestly shout yes, if you ask for my hand, even with just a ring made of santan flowers.  I am not saying I want no gestures. I am not saying I am apathetic to romance. I only want simple things. I only want you. What about you?

And I want you to understand- that despite all that the eye can see, when people look at me, I am a simple girl with a simple dream. I’ve told you many a time, I want that one thing that I never had. Do you remember?

Let’s, you and I, build a house on a mountain, someplace none can follow. These are the words that my heart is singing. These are the stories my life is living. Do you know them?

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Hello 2017

I started my 2017 by reading a book. Indulging in the quiet as people continued to slumber after the previous night’s festivities. Because I realized that expecting from these literary pieces harbours a more positive vibe within me than expecting from people who always make you wait,  people who make you think the worst of yourself, people who make you think their lives are perfect, people who are on your side only at times when they feel superior, people who won’t clap at your success, and the list goes on and on.

In my two decades of existence, I have just now learned to really love myself first. I am my own constant companion and it is very important that I love and respect myself first, so I can enjoy life with my head held high. Time spent on me, on bettering myself, is a much greater investment than time spent on chasing the ones mentioned above.

Hence, I greet you all readers, ‘Have a wiser year!’, instead of just a ‘Happy new’ one, that would only last for a day or two.

Defender

 

Raining arrows come. And there will be misses, but at least one will unrelentingly find me. It will pierce through at the precise moment when the last drop of blood clots. Thus, reopening the wound that has already bled a million times. But there will come a time when the vulnerability so thoroughly beaten, will finally break and shatter, powdered into dust, and become one with the atmosphere, and then- then there will be none to pierce, none to wound, none to abuse, none to receive sharp-tongued arrows that know nothing but destroy and produce bloody chaos.

Because then, my Defender will shine. I will hide away and let my Shield take front.

 

There will come a point in your life when your brain will seem devirginized by the world’s reality.

Your innocence and perfect view of the world will irrevocably be lost. The idealism that’s branded on your skin and that is exuded from your body will just be an odorless scent that impacts no one.

You will find yourself in a place where there’s no turning back. You’d want to go back and set your mind at ease. To that time when the world’s full of rainbows and butterflies. But you will only find yourself destroyed. And it hurts. And it’s frustrating. Because you will miss the goodness. You will miss the cleanliness. You will miss the purity.

You will try to scratch out what has tarnished you, but you will have to scratch away your own flesh in the process. And you love yourself too much to do that.

What About Love?

Here are some of the things I’ve learned in maintaining a happy relationship, while growing spiritually, with Jesus as our rock. 🙂

 

Love and Know Jesus

2 Corinthians 6:14
“Do not be unequally yoked with non-beleivers.”

Both of you should know your identity and worth in Jesus Christ. Know that in Him, you are whole and that you don’t need a partner to acknowledge your physical, mental and emotional attributes. Love Jesus above all, and you’ll find it easy to love everyone else.

 

Pray together and for each other

Develop spiritual maturity together. The solution to every problem is in His Word. The blood of Jesus covers every believer and no work of the enemy shall ever prevail. Feed each other with words of encouragement that is grounded on the love of Jesus. Remind each other that you are God’s favorite and He makes all things work together for your good. Make God the rock of your relationship, that in your weakness, He is your strength.

Guard your heart

Love your partner with a faithful heart. When problems arise, don’t find an ally against your partner. Don’t find comfort from someone else. Internal problems should be discussed between the two of you first and foremost, and not with others who may not have the objectivity or maturity to give good advice. If you need comfort, peace or advice, do this: Seek comfort from Jesus, not from people who will say bad things about your partner/relationship. Seek peace from Jesus, not from thoughts that have not been proved. Seek advice from people who have experience with relationships AND who are spiritually mature.

Guard your heart, as well as your mouth. Respect each other, and refrain from hurting each other (with words or actions) when feeling extreme emotions. Don’t lash out when angry. Guarding your heart, is guarding your relationship.

Respect individuality

Set individual goals. And set goals for your relationship. It is important to maintain individuality so the two of you can learn from each other. Love is not possession. Love is not about controlling the other. Have different interests, have different friends. Trust that at the end of the day, the both of you will fall back into each other’s arms, with new stories and lessons to share.

___

I took a peek, the well was deep.
I took a plunge, the depth was null.

___

You entrust blindly, with your heart posing boldly on your sleeve. Then you turn back and suddenly, the ground shifts and what you thought you always knew, was a big big lie.

Words were spoken, judgment was made, even before people knew of each tale.
It hurts to know that the ones you thought were close enough, were really just close enough to break you.

___

Lavender

My hands found something new and important. And like all things new and important, I wanted to protect it and keep it away from harm or damage.

I love the color lavender. So I wanted it to be the color that would enclose my treasure. But then I saw a golden case that looked so elegant and cool, and I thought, why not this one instead? It would look good in the eyes of many, it would stand out and people would praise me. It would be a good match for my other treasures, and oh! how it would catch the eye of unknown strangers who would see it.

But I love the color lavender. My heart yearns and reaches out to it. And every time I place the lavender and gold side by side, the gold’s shine is dimmed by my heart’s desire. In the end, I chose to follow my heart.

I choose lavender. Because it pleases me. I choose lavender to be the one I see when I wake up, when I do my work, when I have fun, when I write, and when I go to sleep. I choose lavender to protect my treasured possession. I choose the color that makes me happy, not what would make me look happy. I followed my heart, and I have never regretted a single day since.

Passion

___

It’s like dreaming my first dream
As if my heart was never even broken from the start

Do you remember the last time you wanted it so much?
I don’t.
Because nothing seemed to matter before that

Have you tried drowning in an open ocean?
Controlling this is just as easy as that

And if the existence of the undead is unfathomable
For this dream to not entify is inconceivable

___

by Adrienne Luzanne

I’m not saying yes. I’m not saying no. I’m saying I believe.
I believe in the plans He has for me.
Someone told me, “Sobrang mahal ka ni Lord, hindi ka Niya hahayaang masaktan.” (Thanks kuya!) And I realized that goes whether things would happen the way I wanted them to, or not. Because things will always go the way He planned them. And His way is always the best way.

“For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ” Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Take sure steps, and don’t do things half-heartedly. Surely, the Lord will guide you, if you just lift everything up to Him, and have faith. These are words that are constantly drilled into my heart and mind, but it takes a certain turning point, tons of reflection, and constant prayers for the message to really sink in.

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.” 1 John 4:18 (KJV)

And now, His perfect love has cast out all fears. I can rest assured that my God has my life, and my heart, in His hands. And He carries it ever so gently. He walks slowly and surely on solid ground so that my heart remains steady and unshaken.

1040

In my mind, I run my fingers through polished marble,
Old, strong, unweary, just how my memories used to be
But now they’re just old and almost forgotten
And it pains my soul how it looks so forsaken
No matter the number of times they rebuilt it
I will never forget the lifelong scratches
The fishpond, the garden, the swing & the steps
From running and flying over low branches

And asleep I found comfort in the rocky path
As we take a right turn in the dark of night
I was never startled, I was never scared
I knew where I was. I knew where it ended.

Home is where the heart is, my heart was at home,
But at home none was left, as if everything just burned.

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