I don’t know which inspirational thought from this weekend I am going to quote. I don’t know which realization I am going to reflect on.

But there’s this dream I hate to dwell on. So dwell in it, I shall. Because I like to subject myself to pointless mental tortures.

Dreams are our subconscious’ desire. Or so they say. I’d look up more definitions, but I figured it wouldn’t really matter. Because in the end, my stubbornness will win over whatever logical explanation I may find.

I have dreamt of nightmarish murders and thrillers. I have dreamt of completely random situations with everyday people. I have dreamt of a lot of things I can’t remember. But there’s this constant scenario I have been dreaming of for almost a decade now. And I’m wondering whether it’s running the same course of “you always want what you can’t have”. It’s a thirst of curiosity that was never quenched.

. . .

Well. That’s it. I guess this post is completely useless. Aside from the implications of me posting about it.

So, the stubbornness I was referring to is the conclusion: I may believe that some dreams ultimately turn into reality. That if you keep dreaming about it, it will somehow materialize itself into tomorrow. But it’s a silly thought that, so far, has not been proven. That no one has ever tried to prove, I think. So, yeah. This is pretty much pointless. Pointless, time-wasting mental tortures.


I Won’t Give Up

I heard this song while watching a Korean drama (of all things). I liked the melody and the first line I heard caught my attention: “I won’t give up.” The first thought that crossed my mind was: I want someone to sing this song to me. But as I got to the line that says:

I see that you’ve come so far to be right where you are. How old is your soul?

I thought, “Hey, that sounds familiar.” And then the chorus started.

I won’t give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I’m giving you all my love

I’m still looking up

All romantic thoughts flew out of my head. Suddenly, a girl who looks very much like me flashed through my mind. She was sitting beside me, wrapping a reassuring arm around my shoulders. She was whispering words of encouragement as I continue to bow my head. I was a picture of helplessness, but she was there, always. And together, we lifted our heads, soaking in the light of Glory and Mercy, smiling as we believe, as we hope, as we stand up and move on.

She was strength, she was hope, she was support. Hovering all the time, always ready to push when my feet refused to step forward. She builds a bridge from scratch for me to cross when I’m too scared to jump. She looks up from time to time and she makes sure I’m looking. She reminds me we’re not alone, she reminds me that He’s there.

She tells me I’m worth it, she tells me I’m going to make a difference.

She tells me I’m loved and whole. She tells me to be patient and good.

She’s my conscience, she’s my other half, she’s me.

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March 2018
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