I have never asked for grandiose gestures, nor expensive and luxurious gifts. The tiny things that give me simple, but pure joy need no audience, whether big or small. It only needs to be seen and felt by me, it only needs to be true. Is it?

To be reminded that I am remembered even in the most minute detail is worth more than a bag of diamond rings and delicate strings of pearls. I would honestly shout yes, if you ask for my hand, even with just a ring made of santan flowers.  I am not saying I want no gestures. I am not saying I am apathetic to romance. I only want simple things. I only want you. What about you?

And I want you to understand- that despite all that the eye can see, when people look at me, I am a simple girl with a simple dream. I’ve told you many a time, I want that one thing that I never had. Do you remember?

Let’s, you and I, build a house on a mountain, someplace none can follow. These are the words that my heart is singing. These are the stories my life is living. Do you know them?

Indifference

Hiding behind indifference,
vulnerability never to be shown.
You must be cruel to be kind,
because to punish is to soothe.


Walking through walls,
invisible but resilient,
unseen but present.
Never seen, never heard.


Careful treading, c
lothed in rhyming.
The truth is not indifference,
my silence is not the truth.
But to care simply is no use.

___

by Adrienne Luzanne

I miss you, Mom

Everyday I look at your picture, wishing this world would somehow decide to let me be with you again.

Your smile and laugh, that sounds so mirthful it’s contagious, I miss it so much. No matter how childish the reasons may be, and even if sometimes it’s the other way around for the two of us, being with you is all that matters. All the bickering and tears, even those I miss. If the world were a bit kinder to me, I would not lose you albeit temporarily. And I feel this overwhelming sadness, because the ever bittersweet Christmas is coming again. Another one without you, another one incomplete, another one I’m- we’re supposed to endure. I am not as sweet, as showy, and as good as the other girls out there, but I love you, so very much. The clothes you used to wear and the mannerisms that you have are all still burned in my mind, and it’s scaring the hell out of me that they’re blurring bit by bit- with no new memories to replace them. I know that it might make you sad when you read this, it might even make you cry. But I want you to know, that I’m very thankful for everything that you’ve done for me. I pray, that even in this situation, you are happy. You may have met new people that became special to you, who makes you happy, and you want to spend the rest of your life with. I will support you, but please be very careful and wise in your decisions. I’m saying this here because I don’t have the courage to say it to you directly. It is funny, and highly unusual that I would feel shy considering our relationship. But anyways, enough of this.

This song was once written by you in a small notebook, I can still hear your soft singing voice and I will never, ever forget it:

I’ll walk in the rain by your side

I’ll cling to the warmth of your hand

I’ll do anything to keep you satisfied

I’ll love you more than anybody can

And the wind will whisper your name to me

Little birds will sing along in time,

Leaves will bow down when you walk by

And morning bells will chime.

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August 2017
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